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| God... Some people are so stupid. I've tried to be a good friend. I tried to stay honest... I did my best to keep ties unbroken. Finally I have the space to say what I need to say to move on.
First and foremost you disgust me. I was kind and cordial, and you sway back and fourth between nice, evil. Between psychotic and mildly sane. I've dealt with crazy people all my life, but you're the icing on the cake.
I was trying to save you, and be the person you needed in your life to help you heal... Boy was I stupid. I'm not convinced you deserve to be saved... And I am so glad I decided that early on. It was impossible to sleep easy with you around. Sure I had my own issues.. But you made a happy home feel like a prison.
I'm sorry that I ever wasted a single smile on you. I'm glad you found somebody to love you, however... Because I found you disgusting after really getting to know you. Sure it took a few years of being blinded... But I guess I had to live with you to see how big of a creeper you were. Not to mention INSANE.
I think the happiest day of my life is when my knight and shining armor came to whisk me away. It was refreshing to run away for a few hours and be romanced, loved and conversed with from a man who KNOWS who he is. He showed me a good time, without needing to open his wallet or pull out his credentials.., he just opened his heart, and eventually his pants ;)... Lol. Now I have a beautiful daughter, a nice home- an extended family who loves me unconditionally... Everything you could never have provided. I just didn't love you. But I know real love... And it's a beautiful thing. I thank god for Jeremy every day. I think god he saved me from you... Even when I didn't know I needed saving.
For you to randomly turn on me AGAIN, and be hurtful- hateful and ugly just goes to show. You are not a good person, or a good friend. You are definately NOT a good man. I don't know what made you decide to snap again and be a heartless bitch to me- but I don't give a damn. I have an AMAZING life and a big, happy, wonderful family. So go ahead and hate me, talk shit.., do whatever makes you sleep easier at night... I won't even think twice about you again... Except maybe when I'm thanking god I was able to escape from you. AMEN!
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| and when i see lightning feels like my buzz hightning
everytime i feel the sun i can smell the love
adn when i smell the air i can hear a child trying
but everytime i hear a river i hear a mother crying | | |
| I fucking hate all the times u tell me you're not really feeling it.
everyday I wake to the same sun, the same walls, and i feel like shit.
He says everyday holds a new dawn,
but the only freedom i know is the freedom I feel when he's gone.
All these drugs are really taking a toll on me,
Living month to month day to day, never ending monotony.
He holds on to that last bit of uncertianty
not aware that the room has already been emptied
He says he thinks she drinks too much,
She says she thinks he thinks too much.
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| You stopped giving me a reason to fight...How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I'm filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots
How about that ever elusive kudo
How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time
The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down
How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping
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Like a breath of fresh air and the wind at my back
Toe to heel with strong strides taking miles off the map
In this journey called life where I've walked so far
Under the heat of your sun and the shine of your stars
Step by step I've crept, I've crawled, and I've run
Felt the palm of your hand and the barrel of death's gun
I ran for my life stood strong through strife
From a miscarried life to "waiting for your wife" like
I heard it sung a thousand strong all night long
Heard heaven's bell going something long, it's like
I've been there in total despair
Now I've tasted and I've touched
A breath of fresh air
Cause I do live and I hope and pray
For something better and brighter today
For something there for something there
Like road trips on open roads
Windows down sun setting and fresh new clothes
Shoes off so you can stop reflect on all these paths unfolding
With these staffs that are pulling in this world so controlling
It's not always best to take the interstate
Sometimes the most is on the windy coast way
'Cause wide is the path pulling astray
Narrow is the truth in these days
But all the while I hear a still small voice say
You climbed the cliffs rocked the desert on your very own
Swam the seas, sang the songs with the sweetest tones
The beaches you've combed, moons you've roamed the love you've shown
But all the while a voice calls you home
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